Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time your children’s energy can be used to power your home! The ENER-G has hit stores near you, sure to change the way you manage your household.
The ENER-G boasts resiliency yet is light enough to fit harmlessly on your child via special belts, clasps, and buckles. The conductive, metal limbs of the ENER-G store the excess energy of a moving child in a small, removable container that he or she will barely notice sitting on their back or chest! If you are anxiously wondering when you will be able to make use of this innocently acquired energy, you will be pleased to know that a colorful meter lights up on the jar to show your child’s progress. The energy stored in the removable jar can be discharged at any time with our free and complementary Power Tank, which can be kept anywhere in the house, proudly displaying to your friends and family how resourceful you are. More than a decoration, however, the Power Tank is a source of energy available at any time to power your lighting, heating and, of course, your endless cache of completely necessary devices.
The ENER-G will shed new light on the endless pitter-patter of your beloved children. In fact, you will begin to cheer them on when they lose their temper, keeping in mind that you didn’t pay the energy bill! As your newborn baby keeps you and your spouse up all night, take comfort in knowing that you will be able to watch television to your heart’s content the next day! In fact, if you have enough children, why not share some energy with the neighbors for a little profit?
Don’t worry, the ENER-G’s metallic frame poses no threat to your child’s health or self-esteem. Everyone in school be wearing ENER-G suits, so do you really want your child to be left out? Your loving praise for your children and their new accomplishments will even encourage them to be more active in life, and remember that rewarding them with sugary candy can only help your cause.
Some critics believe that the ENER-G is a target for sparks and lightning, but with proper adherence to the manual and prudent use on your part, your child’s safety is guaranteed. Our company is not responsible for any disasters that might result from use of the ENER-G. We know that your experience with the ENER-G will be unforgettable, both for you and your child, so order now!
After Juan José Arreola
adapted, from the Spanish, by Diego Martin
Diego Martin is an undergraduate student at the University of California, San Diego, in International Studies–Linguistics. Mexican writer Juan José Arreola (1918-2001) worked many jobs during his youth, and his real world experiences may have influenced his work, famous for its satirical and allegorical nature. This piece is an excerpt from Confabulario (1952), originally titled “Baby H.G.”